The Merchant of Venice – A Parody
[note: we do this during literature. unofficially, of course.]

[Act 1 Scene 1] Venice
Enter Antonio, Salerio and Solanio

Antonio: In sooth I know not why I am so sad
Portia has left and it makes me mad
I have done no wrong – for that I am glad
But still she ran off with another lad.

Salerio: Your mind is tossing on the ocean
It makes you sea-sick – that rocking motion
Like signors and rich burghers on the flood
I pray you’ll find that vixen in a pool of blood
Do overpeer the petty traffickers
For they snoop and pry into your letters.

Solanio: Believe me, sir, had I such venture forth
The better of my emotions would doth
Be with my hopes abroad. I should be still
Watching Jack and Jill go up the hill
Peering in maps for ports and piers and roads
I look in disgust at that fat green toad
Misfortune to my ventures, out of doubt
I think I’ll sit in a corner and sulk.

Salerio: Would blow me to an argue when I thought
To catch the vixen that I sought
I could not see the sandy hourglass run
Until something has been done
And see my wealthy Andrew docked in sand
Let’s leave Portia on a deserted land
And not bethink me straight of dangerous rocks
I hate the smell of her smelly socks
Would scatter all her spices on the stream
And by that I would have fulfilled my dream.

Antonio: Believe me, no. I thank my fortune for it
But I still love Portia, you stupid git.

Solanio: Why then are you in love?

Antonio: Fie, fie!

Solanio: Heartbroken? Are you feeling queasy?
Because you are not merry, the latter be easy.

Enter Bassanio, Lorenzo and Gratiano

Solanio: Here comes Bassanio, your most noble kinsman
Gratiano, and Lorenzo, fare ye well
We now leave you with better company.
Or so we think.

Salerio: I would have stayed till I made you merry
If worthier friends had not prevented me.

Antonio: Your worth is very dear in my regard.
Dear indeed! As much a garbage truck
And you embrace th’occasion to depart
With fond memories of Portia in your heart.

Salerio: How very scandalous indeed, my lord.

Bassanio: I preach not the evils of an affair
You grew exceedingly strange – must it be so?

Salerio: We’ll make our leisures to attend on yours
That is, for a small fee, of course.

Gratiano: With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come
As we shoot Portia with a gun
And let my liver rather heat with wine
For Portia's as cuddly as a porcupine
Why should a man whose blood is warm within
Have such a fate in store for him
I love thee, and 'tis my love that speaks
Portia's the sort who gives me the creeps
Do cream and mantle like a standing pond
Think about the celebrations when she's gone
And when I ope my lips, let no dog bark
As we stab Portia in the dark
But fish not with this melancholy bait
To kill Portia, we must now wait.

and to all involved in writing this parody: lorenzo needs to say something (intelligent, preferably ).
SO GET TO WORK, FOLKS!
i sound like some foreman. maybe i have the talent *snerkle*